On a depressing note, I have recently found myself single following a painful break-up. After trying to make a relationship with this guy work – I find myself plunged into obscurity with little around me and no sense of where I am headed. So, I have decided to pose an idea that has circled my brain ever since I’ve found myself without a fair maiden.
Our relationship was ‘built on foundations of shit and piss’ – we would struggle to flourish more so than other relationships. Part of this was my unquenchable paranoia about who he would speak to of the opposite sex. I then became termed a ‘Jealous Person’.
Is there a scale of jealousy in which every person has their own grade? In fact, I think every person is as jealous as one another – it is just some people choose to publicize their jealousy in different ways. I have friends all over the world and I cannot even explain the bond I share with them. I never cared about how many people he met in a day or how he met that particular person because there is no mutual friend whatsoever. This never bothered me until he started doubting me. He started checking my phones while I was asleep, ask me questions about my whereabouts. I do not like being controlled but I started doing the same to him.Suddenly, I was no different. I had become a person I never wanted to be and of course, I have been lied to in a number of horrible ways that it would take me years to explain over the web.
He tried to show that he wasn’t happy with the idea I spoke to other guys. And I tried my level best to do so. I know few guys who act like they are okay with their girlfriend speaking to other guys for fear of persecution – or being branded ‘controlling’. How do you that? Please tell that to my ”Next boyfriend” maybe?
Is my view on jealousy clouded by the fact that he wronged me before or I might have lied to him too? Are we all, in fact, jealous people, or are some of you more than comfortable with your other half speaking to members of the opposite sex? Or, is it that when you find that ‘special person’ and trust them – that the notion of jealousy simply vanishes?
If you cheated on your partner, would you expect them to trust you again immediately? It’s doubtful, but even when infidelity has played a role in your relationship, you still should not resort to controlling, overly jealous behaviours.
I am not an expert but I can only give you advices based on what I have been through. First of all, do not play mind games because it only diminishes the trust in a relationship and pit two partners against one another. Relationships are about working together, and, if you are playing mind games, you are doing just the opposite.
The next point is what I have always fought about. You should not restrict your partner and constantly keep them from doing the things that they want to do. This issue probably won’t arise often if your partner wouldn’t want to do anything that would make you uncomfortable. However, a jealous partner may be upset about something as minor as their partner going to the grocery store alone.
Jealousy can be difficult to conquer, especially when you have been hurt in the past. However, it is important to keep it under control so that your relationship does not become unhealthy. Often, books and movies portray overly possessive, jealous behaviours as romantic and passionate; but it’s not. Not always.
Anyways, that’s just me grieving about being single. Thoughts ?